This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
