I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
