Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
