i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
