On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
