im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
