i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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