i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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