Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
