nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
