lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
