I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
