i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
