we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
