Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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