we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
