Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
