He had one of those small greek statue penises
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
