Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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