I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
