We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
