they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
