The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
