Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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