im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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