I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
