well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
