Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
