i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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