I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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