I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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