Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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