I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
