Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This is my gift to your gina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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