I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
