A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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