i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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