take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
