I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
