the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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