He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
