Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
