Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
