My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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