Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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