so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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