if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
