jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
