I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
