just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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