During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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