those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
