Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
