At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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