His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
