He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just pee around me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
