I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
