We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
