Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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