woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
