the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
