if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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