You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
